So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My cat gives me a boner
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
