i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
