i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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