i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
there is glitter all over my balls
You left your phone here
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