dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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