Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
