remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
