Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
