Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
