Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
