she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
well you can't waste a boner
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
