You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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