My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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