I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
