I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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