yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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