I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize