Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
