Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
