??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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