my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize