Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
