Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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