I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
