Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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