i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
