its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
