Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize