is wine microwaveable?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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