walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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