you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
