So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
