I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
