I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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