well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
