You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
