I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
