benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
