Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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