Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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