he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
