He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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