There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
