You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
