He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
