so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
