how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
