i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
