Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
