can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
