how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
