apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
