Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize