oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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