Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We need to rekindle our bromance
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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