i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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