That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
