hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
