I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
