Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
