Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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