You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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