so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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