you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
