Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
