I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize