wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
