the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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