I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
