Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
